Tuesday, November 29, 2011

One and Done…Really

I have actually heard someone ask a pregnant woman when she thought she would have her next child. This woman has not even given birth to the child in her belly and some impatient, nosey person wants to know when she will have the next one. It is insane. Just after we received EJ’s referral, people asked us if we thought we would adopt again. We had not even finished our first adoption! To get people crazy I would say, “No, we are done. One and done.”

At the time, I had no idea if I meant that statement or not. Mike and I had always discussed two kids and so I had always assumed that we would, in fact, adopt again. After a few months home, Mike began to express that he was pretty darn happy with EJ and could be done. I would brush him off, laugh and say, “I don’t think so”. I don’t remember when it happened exactly (could have been the 365th day in a row that EJ did not sleep through the night) but at some point I realized I really was “one and done.”

Parents who choose to have just one child can often be treated (by other parents) almost as badly as those who have chosen to not have children at all. People can be condescending and flat out rude.

“One kid? He will be lonely! How can you do that to him?”
“Oh you don’t mean that. I promise you will change your mind!”
“You have to have at least one more! Only children are too spoiled.”

I had no idea this decision could cause this much controversy. It is, in a way, a selfish decision. Mike and I like the idea of one. Yes, it is easier and cheaper and we like that. We like the idea of being able to focus and “spoil” EJ and ensure he goes to a good school. We want to do some traveling and buy a bigger house and having one child will allow us to do this. I was lucky enough to stay home full time with EJ for a year and now just work part-time. Adopting again would mean me going back to work full-time and working full-time after the baby came home. We are just not willing to do that. And yes, we don’t want to start all over again…sounds awful but it is true. But mostly, we feel like we got so lucky with EJ and he is far more than we could ever have hoped for, that we don’t need anyone else. We like it just the three of us and perfectly happy being one and done!



  1. Lauren- love this! I am one and done...and even knew this before I got pregnant! I always wanted one....one to do right by! One to give them everything they need....even if I wanted more...in this economy I don't think I could give the same things to the second as I did the first....let alone the one on one time I cherish with Landon! Landon was a miracle baby...I had a high risk pregnancy and was told Landon would not be well when he was born ( horrible things) but he was born perfectly healthy and I am so blessed! Good for you for sticking to how you feel no matter the comments....I get them all the time!

  2. I think this is a great piece Lauren! So many people are unaware of how judgmental they are towards others' decisions. Just because something is right for them doesn't mean it is for everyone else!