I could never have anticipated the crazy things that I would say to EJ. On a daily basis I often stop after saying something and think, "Did I really just say that?” We will be out at Target, at a doctor’s appointment or at a friend’s house when I am forced to say the most ridiculous things. Some of my favorites include:
Don’t put your hammer in the toilet.
Goldfish don't go in your ears.
Please don't put your toothbrush there (while changing him!).
Get out of the ottoman.
Don't sit on the baby.
Don't eat like a dog.
Don't eat the dog food.
Don't eat the shopping cart.
Don't lie on the doctor's office floor.
And my personal favorite: Don't lick the trash can.
(When EJ went to the doctor’s office for his 18 month appointment, he actually tried to lick the trash can. This was after he lay on the floor in his diaper. I was so horrified.)
The things that change in your life when you become a parent are too numerous to count but I didn’t anticipate this change. I just don’t care what I say and who hears it. I have stopped really caring about what people think in general. It is like you become focused on your own goldfish eating, Sesame Street watching, ABC singing world and anything else going on around you is white noise. I hear other people say these ridiculous things to their kids and I barely blink. I forget what it is like to see a crying, screaming, kicking child in a store and think, “Wow, what is wrong with that parent? Can’t she control that kid?” Now I look at the mom and think, “God, I hope that woman gets a nap today.”
Lauren Jordan is a part-time stay at home mom. She has been married for 7 years and is the mom of a very energetic, hilarious 2 year old boy! She hopes to some day get a full night of sleep.